


Corporate Espionage

by sakuuya



Category: Battle for London in the Air (Roleplay)
Genre: (sort of), Basically a Rom-Com, Botched flirting, Eavesdropping, F/M, Mistaken Identity, Modern AU, Reviews
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuuya/pseuds/sakuuya
Summary: A tale of dueling online reviews.
Relationships: Edward Taylor/Liz Maximoff
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Corporate Espionage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [multifandomgal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomgal/gifts).



Checking the online reviews for her family’s shop was not one of Liz’s favorite parts of the job. Maximoff’s was a good hardware shop (a _great_ hardware shop) so most of the reviews were glowing. But there was no escaping the occasional person who wanted to whinge about any little inconvenience and leave a single-star review. Liz always had trouble ignoring people who were being wrong on the internet, and her shop’s review page only intensified that feeling. That was _personal_.

More often than not, her fortnightly review of the reviews ended with her pacing in front of her dad as he tried to read in his easy chair, declaiming about the evils of people who left such petty, unfounded comments. He was usually able to calm her down—often, by agreeing that the person was being unfair, but sometimes, by helping her see that a complaint _did_ have merit. Hearing it from him always made the issue seem more real and reasonable than when it came from some random online git.

Today, there was one review that particularly grated:

> **Edward T.  
> ** _16 reviews  
> _ 5 days ago  
> ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
> 
> Cute shop, but really small. They don’t have nearly the selection of Taylor’s Hardware (less than 1km away) and the prices are higher. Aside from the atmosphere, the only good thing I can say is that the redheaded shopgirl is really cute.

Liz’s hands clenched into fists, her short, sensible nails digging into her palms. How _dare_ someone leave such a patronizing review? She wished she knew who this Edward T. was so she could give him a piece of her mind in person. When she wracked her brain, though, she couldn’t think of any customers who’d been so forward with her, or even ogled her.

Wait… Edward T.? Could that be Edward _Taylor_? Liz squinted at his profile pic, then opened a new tab and Googled him. Yep, the image search turned up the photo he’d used for his review profile.

That absolute bastard! It wasn’t enough that he and his giant hardware shop were trying to drive Liz and her father out of business, apparently. He also had to leave spurious, cheeky reviews.

Liz stormed into the sitting room, where her father was sitting in his favorite chair, absorbed in some softback thriller.

“I think _Edward Taylor_ left us a bad review!” she said with no preamble.

Her dad looked up from his book, peering at her over the rim of his reading glasses. “Edward Taylor? Of Taylor’s Hardware?”

“Yes! He left a review that pretty much said that his shop was so much better than ours!” She didn’t mention Edward’s attempt at, what? Flirting with her? Weirding her out? She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Well, I don’t know anything about those review sites, but I don’t think you’re supposed to review your competitors. Can you tell the site that his review is biased so they’ll get rid of it?”

“Yeah. It’s called reporting. But that’s not enough for what he did, Dad!”

“He abused the review site, and you’re going to get his review taken down. I completely understand how that might feel unsatisfying, but just because he’s being a pillock—if you’ll excuse my French—doesn’t mean you should sink to his level.”

Liz sighed. “You’re right. Ugh, he makes me so mad! But I’ll just report his review and let the site take care of it instead of, say, firebombing Taylor’s.”

“ _Liz_.”

“That was just a joke, don’t worry!” Liz reassured him, but burning Edward’s family’s store down _would_ be satisfying, she had to admit.

She followed her dad’s advice, though, just went back to her laptop and hit report on Edward’s review. When she refreshed the page a couple minutes later, the review was still there. She rationalized that whoever handled the abuse reports probably wasn’t at work—after all, it was gone eight on Sunday. That didn’t stop her from refreshing the page again in a few minutes, though, nor from continuing to do so until she went to bed.

The next morning, the review was still there. Liz swallowed her annoyance and went to work, doing her best to be polite and friendly to customers even though she was still fuming about Edward. At least being at the shop stopped her from checking her phone for most of the day.

But when she got off work and went upstairs to the flat, Edward’s bloody review was still there.

As it was the next morning.

And the next evening.

And the morning after that.

By that evening, three full business days after she had reported his fraudulent review, Liz couldn’t take it any more. This review site was garbage! She knew her dad was right, that she shouldn’t stoop to Edward’s level, but she couldn’t just let him get away with slagging off their shop like that.

Liz felt more righteous than guilty as she signed out of the Maximoff’s Hardware account and created a new one—hmm, she should be a man this time around, to stop Edward condescending to her. In another tab, she searched up a random name generator, figuring that was most likely to yield something Edward would take as legitimate.

She clicked the generator button a few times, dismissing names as too weird or too obvious, until it spit out “Jack Williams.” Sure, why not. Jack Williams could be anyone. Liz set up a fake email to go with the name, since she needed one to register on the review site, but didn’t bother to set a profile picture. Any picture she could Google, Edward could Google too, and she wasn’t going to use a photo of someone she knew.

Once the account was set up, she focused in on her review of Taylor’s Hardware. Oh, she’d been there, of course, for the same reason Edward had once come into her family’s shop. You had to keep an eye on the competition. She wasn’t going to lie, and she wasn’t going to use this review as an excuse to creep, unlike _some_ people. But it was a simple fact that Taylor’s wasn’t as good a shop, and under the guise of anonymity, Liz didn’t have to be shy about saying as much.

> **Jack W.**
> 
> _1 reviews  
> _ Just now  
> ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
> 
> This is one of those cases where you get what you pay for. Taylor’s Hardware is a big shop, but maybe too much so. Took me a while to find what I was looking for in their huge plumbing section, and the price seemed too good to be true. Turns out it was: One of the fittings broke while I was installing it. I won’t be going back here. I had a much better experience at Maximoff’s Hardware.

That should about do it. Liz doubted that Edward could recall everyone who’d been in his family’s shop recently—when she’d gone, Taylor’s had sported a bunch of floor employees—and since she had too much class to single him out, he wouldn’t have any reason to suspect “Jack W.’s” true identity. Plus, even if he figured it, what could he do? Report the review? She knew how well _that_ worked. 

Knowing didn’t stop her from checking one last time before bed whether Edward’s review had been deleted. It hadn’t, but that didn’t sting as much now that she’d done something about it.

There was an email from the review site when she woke up in the morning. Instead of informing her that they’d finally fixed her problem, though, it was a forwarded message from “Jack’s” email saying that someone had commented on her review.

Only it wasn’t just someone, it was _Edward_. It felt like vengeance to have Edward wasting his time responding to a fake review. Petty vengeance, but vengeance nonetheless.

Until she read his response.

> **Edward T.  
> ** _Owner  
> _ 7 hours ago
> 
> Sorry to hear you had a bad time at our store, **Jack**. Ordinarily, we’d offer to replace the part or send you a gift voucher, but I want to take a more personal approach. Do you want to go out for drinks and tell me about your experience? I’ll buy.

Feeling like she might break out in nervous laughter from sheer incredulity, Liz scrolled down to other negative reviews. They weren’t hard to find; Taylor’s _did_ have a lower star rating than Maximoff’s. Edward hadn’t answered all of them, but the responses he did give were polite and businesslike. As he said in his reply to “Jack,” there were a lot of offers to replace broken parts or reimburse dissatisfied customers. 

Oh bollocks, if none of the other reviews merited weird skeevy replies, maybe he’d figured her out! Liz had been trying to talk her dad into getting a VPN for ages, but he said he never saw the point. Even without that, though, surely there was _something_ more she could have done to conceal her identity. 

Liz couldn’t believe Edward _actually_ wanted to go out with somebody who made an account just to complain about his shop. She’d have to call his bluff. Before she went downstairs to open Maximoff’s, she dashed off a quick reply.

> **Jack W.  
> ** _1 reviews  
> _ Just now
> 
> Sure, why not? I’ve got plenty more to say about what a rubbish time I had.

Liz kept her phone in her pocket while she worked—something she was loath to do—and took a furtive bathroom break as soon as she felt the buzz of an email notification. 

> **Edward T.  
> ** _Owner  
> _ 2 minutes ago
> 
> Lovely, then it’s a date! Meet me at the Tin Ram tomorrow night at 7, assuming that works for you. You don’t have a profile pic, so you’ll have to find me. I’ll wear a Taylor’s shirt, okay?

Edward must have been dead certain that Jack was a fake account, or else he had bizarre ideas about how to find a date. It was just absurd that he’d waste so much effort on someone about whom he knew nothing except that the guy didn’t like his store.

That was very different from what Liz was doing, of course! _She_ was pursuing justice after Edward left the first review. 

At least “Jack” standing Edward up might give him a bad night, but Liz still had trouble believing that there was anything serious behind this weird flirtation. Responding wasn’t urgent, she decided. She had spent enough time in the WC staring at her phone in disbelief.

Just as she made her way back up to the front desk, the bell above the door jingled and a familiar face walked in.

“‘Morning, Chauncey! Can I help you with anything?”

“Don’t think so, I’m just in to grab some polyfilla. Mistakes were made!” Chauncey said cheerfully.

“Okay, good luck!”

It occurred to Liz a couple minutes later, as she rang up some wire ties for an older gentleman, that if she _did_ want to have “Jack” show up to the date, Chauncey was probably the ideal person to help her. They were close enough—they didn’t hang out outside the store, but they chatted about their personal lives, and Chauncey even brought his boyfriend by once just so she could meet him. And because Liz knew Chauncey pretty well, she suspected that this was the kind of thing he’d find entertaining.

Before she rang up Chauncey’s polyfilla powder, Liz said, “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Ask away!”

Liz cast a furtive look around for her dad, but he must’ve still been taking stock in the back room. “Um, actually, it’s less of a favor and more help with a prank.”

Hearing _that,_ Chauncey grinned and saluted. “In that case, I’m at your service, whatever it is.”

Liz explained her situation, from Edward’s original review to the game of chicken she now found herself in.

“So I just have to go down the pub with this guy and pretend to be an irate customer while he buys me drinks? I’ve had worse evenings.”

“You need to make it convincing. Have you ever been to Taylor’s?”

“...no?” Chauncey said with a guilty wince.

Liz fixed him with a look. “You’re going to have to lie better than that if you want to fool Edward.”

“Fine, you caught me. I’ve been there a couple times looking for stuff that’s too niche to find in smaller shops. But I’ve never been very impressed with the place.”

“So you’ll be able to complain about it believably?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Well, then thank you for your help, _Jack_ ,” Liz said, smiling. She handed over her phone so Chauncey could agree to the date himself, and scribbled down the username and password for the account, just in case he needed to use it again. “You can have that polyfilla gratis.”

“Ta. If I’d known, I would’ve picked up something more expensive.” Chauncey winked and her and sauntered out of the store.

The next day was Friday, and the Tin Ram was packed. All the better for Liz, who wasn’t going to miss the date but didn’t want to get found out either. Edward was already seated at the bar when she got there, just a few minutes shy of 7. There was no sign of Chauncey yet. She suspected he might run late—or, at least, that’s what _she_ would do if she were trying to be a bad date.

Liz felt like a spy as she sat down at a tiny table with a single chair, as close as she dared to Edward. She wore a hat to cover her distinctive red hair, ordered a pint mostly for the look of it, and kept her gaze focused on her phone to avoid accidental eye contact.

(Edward’s review was still up.)

Chauncey got to the pub at 7:11, which was genius, really. Late enough to be worrying, but not _quite_ so late that Edward would give up and leave. Liz kept her head down and strained to hear as they greeted each other. Chauncey’s voice got lost in the general noise of the pub, but Edward, it turned out, had one of those voices that carried effortlessly. And he sounded shocked to see “Jack.” _Perfect_.

Well, not quite perfect: Liz did wish she could hear Chauncey tearing into Taylor’s, but everything Edward was saying in reply was conciliatory, so Chauncey was playing his part.

“Can I confess something?” Edward said after a while, and Liz’s ears perked up further. 

It was hard not to just stare at them, but Liz persisted. She wasn’t about to give the game away.

Chauncey must’ve assented, because Edward said, “To be honest, when I saw your review, I thought you were a friend—well, more like just somebody I know of—trying to mess with me. I apologize if I came on too strong. I was trying to get her to admit what she was doing. Thanks for coming out with me anyway. I really appreciated hearing an unvarnished perspective on my family’s shop—that’s a pun, yeah. If it’s not too weird, I’d be happy to buy another round.”

 _Bollocks!_ Liz didn’t know how Chauncey felt, but Edward being honest and nice about it made the whole charade a whole lot less fun for her. 

After a little more eavesdropping while her stomach bubbled unhappily, Liz couldn’t bear it any longer. She stood up and tore off her hat, letting her hair down.

But the pub was crowded, and Edward didn’t notice her dramatic gesture. She had to go up and tap him on the shoulder.

“ _Liz Maximoff_?!”

She sighed. “Hi, Edward.”

“What are _you_ doing here—wait, was this a setup after all?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Then who’s _he_?” Edward jerked a thumb in Chauncey’s direction.

“That’s Chauncey.”

“Hi, Edward,” Chauncey said, seemingly unperturbed by the way the night was progressing. He slid off his barstool, clutching his nearly-empty beer. “Nice to meet you, but I’m taken, sorry. I’ll let you guys talk.”

Edward smacked his own forehead. “I _knew_ it had to be you! I can’t believe I fell for this!”

“I can’t believe _you_ would leave that review on my shop’s page!” Liz retorted. 

“D’you wanna know the really pathetic thing?” Liz just glared at him, so he continued: “I left that stupid review as, like, an icebreaker. I figured that you’d come by to yell at me about it and then we’d get to talking. If I really wanted to slag off your shop, do you think I’d use my own account?”

“So you couldn’t work up the nerve to just talk to me like a human, but you could flirt with an angry reviewer?”

Edward grimaced. “Yup. I figured ‘Jack’ was probably you, and if not, I could just listen to him rant and then let him down gently. Besides, I already reported the review, so there was no reason not to have some fun with it.”

“Have they taken it down?”

“Not yet.”

“They haven’t taken yours down yet either!”

“Seriously? It’s been like ten days!”

“I know! I can’t believe how slow they are at responding to complaints!” Liz said, hopping up on Chauncey’s abandoned barstool before she realized whom she was commiserating with. “But that’s beside the point! That was a bloody stupid way to try and strike up a conversation!”

“It was, and I’m sorry.” Edward pulled out his phone and fiddled with it. “There! All deleted.”

“You still shouldn’t have written it in the first place. If you wanted to talk to me, why not just _talk to me_? You certainly know where I work.”

“I didn’t think you’d talk to me. Scion of the Taylor family and all that.”

“Well, your stupid plan worked—I’m here now, talking to you, so if you have something to say to me…”

Edward looked like he’d been put on the spot by a teacher when he didn’t know the answer, but after an awkward hanging moment, he said, “I’m sorry again about leaving that review. D’you... wanna go out some time?”

“With you?” 

“No, with Jack Williams. Of course with me.”

“All right,” Liz found herself saying before she even had time to consider it. Somehow, in person, this arse was actually charming—and it helped that he’d deleted that infuriating review. “On one condition, though: No shop talk.”

“I was going to insist on the same thing,” Edward agreed. He looked relieved, like the teacher had called on someone else after all. “You’re closed Sundays, right? We could get a coffee or something day after tomorrow.”

“Discussing business hours is dangerously close to shop talk,” Liz warned, but she was smiling. “Sounds good. 10 AM, Victory Coffee?”

“Great! I’ll see you then.”

But despite having already made plans, they stayed at the pub chatting and laughing until last orders.


End file.
